Its back to packing up and moving again. Both house and studio. We finally found a place that is perfect, and we'll be moving there in a week!
WHAT THE HECK GOD?
I feel like a child…being taught how to live and what to value. The process has been daunting, frustrating, and somewhat depressing. It started with moving less than 3 months ago, being stoked about it, then being told by the landlord that her house is foreclosing and that we have 30 days to get out. About 25 days went by and we found nothing. What the heck, God? Why would you have us spent all this time and money moving and then have us move again? Why won't you help us find a house?
The story is longer than I would actually like to explain. To sum it up, it was a string of disappointments. Kind of like when you string white popcorn on a Christmas tree, but the popcorn is brown crap.
WHAT DISCIPLINE IS AND ISN'T
My wonderful and wise wife showed me a verse:
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. (Proverbs 3:11-12)
I used to hate this verse. Not because of what it says. I've hated it because of the way that I've heard it used. It is the quintessential quote when things go wrong. A car crash paralyzes someone from the waist down and it must have been "God's will" Then we sit around and talk about how He caused the crash to "discipline us." Is God really the author of such cruelties? Do we tell a mom whose 6 year old daughter was molested by a pedophile that somehow God had something to do with that? And that it is for our benefit? As if that child needed to get molested so we can "grow stronger."
God is not the author of such evils. He was not the author of the Holocaust. He rather, was a part of the epic battle against those things. And when the force of evil came, he countered it with love (for moving example and story of this check out Irena Sendler
The Bible talks about discipline though, so what is it? I think it is a lot like the last month of my life. God wanted to show me some things. He wanted to teach me patience. He wanted to show me how to live in a way that embraces what I value in life. He wanted to show me that even when it seems like He has left, that he is working underground in ways that I just have to wait and see. This discipline is Father-like. Gentle, patient, leaving room for the child (yes me) to freak out and complain and even get really mad at Him.
I love watching Lord of the Rings. Not because I'm a fanatic who highlights their calendar for the next renaissance fair and sword eating contest (but my wife is). It is because the film series stares right in the face the idea of an epic battle. In real life, these are the 911's and the sudden deaths that are not works of the Master, but losses. I think we need to do a better job calling it what it really is. When someone goes through great loss, we need to comfort them as Father does, not avoid the painful situation by telling them that it must be "God's will." As the battle of good and evil rages on, we CAN trust that God will turn the situation around somehow…He will bring healing, He will make us stronger.
Evil, great loss and tragedy (I would say) usually come from Satan himself. But discipline, a patient and loving learning experience, comes from God. The fruit of discipline and the fruit of evil are two very different things. Ask Michael Phelps about the fruit of discipline. Or just take a look at his gold medals. Pain, suffering, and loss around us in this world are very different things
This week, I can see God teaching me in a loving way. Though my doubts and fears came from the "dark side," I am so grateful for God's strength to teach me to trust him more.